(Today I’m excited to have Brandon Spencer guest post! He’s a coffee fan and since I’d rather fight dragons than drink coffee, he’s sharing about his love of coffee and this little show called Game of Thrones. Have you heard of it? I don’t watch it (I got enough on my hands with The Walking Dead people!), but I know a lot of people who love it! So enjoy!)
Since the end of Game of Thrones’ third season, I couldn’t stand the wait so I picked up the books and starting blazing through them before the new season premier. Somewhere between the siege of King’s Landing and the Red Wedding I noticed no one in Westeros drinks coffee. No wonder they’re so glum all the time. In the interest of spicing things up, but stopping short of fan fiction, I have narrowed down the coffee habits of the major houses, along with some other notables.
Stark – Lattes feel sophisticated and so many people love them. They’re easy to like and feel sophisticated. So are Ned and Robb. But, when all you’re doing is waiting for Winter, you can get bored. And when you’re bored, you begin to practice your latte art. When you practice your latte art, you decide to show the king your creation. And when you do that, he lops off the foam head, and puts Ice in it.
Lannister – In addition to their debts, the Lannisters always pay for the most expensive coffee out there. The sweetness of a Geisha coffee reminds Tyrion of the Dornish wines he loves so very much. But in reality none of them actually drink coffee. But it’s expensive and they just want people to know they have it.
Targaryen – This ancient house prefers the old, rustic taste of Yemeni coffee and it’s earthiness is accentuated by dragon flame. Daenerys’ Dothraki clan would try it but they insist that if they were meant to drink the poison sea in a cup, horses would have invented coffee.
Greyjoy – They don’t brew coffee. Instead they pay the iron price for their caffeination. In the harsh weather of the Iron Islands, they simply chew up the grounds and swallow them. They don’t enjoy it, but the Drowned god demands it.
Frey – Walder Frey invites you over for a party; says he has coffee. He’s had that exact same coffee sitting in the same pot for years. You secretly bring your own and even though he knows you brought it, he continues to spend the whole night trying to pawn off his lukewarm sludge. Until the band plays and he knocks your mug out of your hand, spilling your fresh, hot coffee all over the ground.
Baratheon – Off-Brand Dark Roast. They prefer the taste is overwhelming, simple and straightforward and ultimately leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Robert likes his with pork. Renly prefers a fair amount of sugar and cream. And Stannis’s cup is dark and full of terrors.
Tully – They prefer a straightforward house blend. Nondescript in every way, but does everything that’s expected.
Davos – Instant Coffee Powder. One minute it’s water, the next it’s coffee. Either way, no one respects it.
Lysa Arryn – Double shots of espresso. Lots of em. How else did she end up so frantic and jittery?
Petyr Baelish – Americano: Wants a seat at the big kid’s table, but still a bit watered down.
Lord Varys – Starbucks Pike Place Roast: No matter where you go, it’s always right there.
Castle Black – Boilerplate coffee. Heated down to a sludge. Because you can’t make fires while out hunting the King Beyond the Wall.
Brandon Spencer nano-roasts magical coffee at Caneland Coffee, a recent coffee startup. His long-term objective is to partner with farmers and non-profits in coffee growing regions to assist some of the great work being down around the globe while also providing tasty, ethically sourced coffee in the US. You can order online at www.canelandcoffee.com or check them out on social media.